I’M SO
HAPPY! Monday, March 23rd, 2015 was like an early Christmas present
for me. Why, you may ask? Oh, because a small time Republican Senator from
Texas named Ted Cruz announced his candidacy for President of the United States
in the 2016 election. This. Is. Awesome!
I love
Teddy Cruz! He’s like a male Michelle Bachmann who is even more bat shit crazy
in his political ideals and values. And all he does is talk with no filter no
matter what. It’s great! This gets me more excited to see who is going to throw
their hat into the ring, especially on the Republican side of the ballot where
the crazies come out to tote their awesome beliefs in regards to climate
change, religion in public and government, same-sex marriage, doing away with
important departments of government; you know, just your average American
millionaires fighting for political office by riling up a rabid base that
follows in lock step with radicalized thinking from the right. This is not to
say that the Democratic nominees and base do the same thing, but there is
something very special about the Republicans that brings a smile to my face and
makes my head hurt at the same time. It’s a special feeling.
But for starters, I’ll just fill
you in on why Senator Cruz is one of my favorite politicians out there today,
bringing a bit of sunshine in an otherwise dreary world.
Born in Canada
…Anyone?
Birthers? No? No Problems with this? Wow…alright then. Ted Cruz (Whose real
name is Rafael Edward Cruz, sounds a little foreign doesn’t it Fox News?) was born
in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. For those of you bad with geography, Canada is
another country that is not the United States.
Cruz’s mother was an American
citizen and his father was Cuban. But he was born in Calgary. The reason why I
bring this up is because there were, I would say, every single Republican
leaning person in the country that cried wolf when they learned that President
Obama’s father was from Kenya and that he was born in Hawaii, which apparently
does not count as part of the U.S. in the Republican geographic collective
mindset.
I’m just a bit confused here
because President Obama was actually born in the U.S. and the Fox Newsies had a
freaking field day with bringing up the “controversy” of his birth location
during the 2008 Presidential campaign, all the while ignoring the fact that
Republican nominee John McCain was born in Panama, no issues there as he was
only born in an actual different country. The “Birther” movement was loud, yet,
was unable to bring forth any legitimate evidence to prove their claim. Now,
Senator Cruz comes along in 2015 and admitted to being born in Canada, and there’s
no problem at all with it. Senator Cruz has renounced his Canadian citizenship,
but you know the saying, “Once a Canadian, always a Canadian.” I think that’s
accurate, although I doubt Canada would like Senator Cruz back.
All I ask for here, is that the
same crazy “birther controversy” gets put out by Fox News about Senator Cruz
today, as they did with Senator Obama back in 2008. There should be a debate as
to whether or not a Canadian…nope, wait…A Cuban-Canadian is able to hold the
highest office in the land. I think that this bears a conversation! Do we
really want a President that comes from the overly polite, universal health
care, socialist hellhole that is Canada? Nope!
Welcome To Peoples Republic of Liberty…I Mean…Liberty
University
Senator
Rafael Edward Cruz announced his Presidential bid at the largest Christian
university in the U.S., Liberty University. Well-known evangelical leader Jerry
Falwell founded Liberty University in 1971, so it was the perfect location for
Senator Cruz to announce his ultra-conservative,
bring-back-Christianity-to-America approach to winning the Republican
nomination for the 2016 Presidential election. And the place was packed with
11,000 students! It looked like every student from Liberty U was in attendance
just yearning to hear from the bastion of Tea Party politics, Senator Cruz, and
be ready to mobilize to support his efforts. Except…ALL STUDENTS WERE REQUIRED
TO ATTEND CRUZ’S ANNOUNCEMENT OR FACE A $10 FINE!
That’s
right! The students of Liberty University were REQUIRED to attend what amounted
to a political rally for Senator Cruz’s bid for the Republican nomination. Now,
I’m no political science major, but I’m pretty sure that the only places that
require individuals to attend political events to make it appear as if it were
well attended would be in Communist run China, the Theocracy of Iran, and the
crazy dictator man-child run North Korea. Sounds like a wonderful list to be
apart of when you are announcing your candidacy for President of the United
States of America.
There is no
reason that I can think of that would make this type of action acceptable for
any university in this country. Sure, universities exploit their
student-athletes for an insane amount of profit without even considering the
student-athletes well being; and tuition has grown at an exponential rate since
the 1990’s leaving the average student with more than $30,000 in debt when they
leave campus for the real world. But, I have never, in my wildest dreams, even
considered an institution of higher learning actually forcing students to
attend an event that said students might disagree with due to personal or
political differences with the candidate. This is the mentality of a
dictatorship, or at least a Socialist society that Republicans hate so much.
Well, look at that! Senator Cruz is already bringing his Canadian socialist
agenda to the heart of the country he claims he loves so much after renouncing
his Canadian citizenship. Once a Canadian, always a Canadian!
It’s Science!
Senator
Cruz has no idea how science works. Either that or he went to school in Texas.
About a week before he threw his hat into the Presidential ring, Senator Cruz
appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers and dropped this little turd nugget of
misinformation:
First off,
everything that Senator Cruz just word-vomited there is plain wrong. Not wrong
in the sense that he misquoted something. Wrong in the way that shows he has
never even read the science behind climate change, or he has no idea how
seasons work in the world type of wrong.
So let’s
take the first part. Yes, there is snow and ice everywhere in New Hampshire in
March, its called winter. If you didn’t know, winter is when the precipitation
from the sky comes down to earth in frozen crystal form, because the
temperature is still below freezing, which is 32 degrees Fahrenheit, or 0
degrees Celsius if you happen to be from Canada and only understand the metric
system. And it snows a lot in the Northeast. There is a major difference
between weather and climate. Weather is what you see day to day; climate is the
average pattern of weather over time. If you had read your 8th grade
geography textbook Senator, it would all make sense as to why it could be
snowing one day, but the average temperature could be on the rise. But I would
hate to see the hamster run any faster on that wheel in your head, as it seems
like he’s at his limit right now.
Next up,
Senator Cruz mentions that debates on climate change should follow the science,
but science doesn’t back up the claim that warming has happened. Okay Teddy,
let’s calm down here and read some actual scientific studies on the subject
before you start shooting from the hip. I’ll make the following arguments
debunking…no…DESTROYING, Senator Cruz’s verbal turds as follows:
1. 2014
was the warmest year on record (most recent
data)
2. The
10 hottest years on record have been 2007, 2009, 2006, 2002, 2003, 2013, 1998,
2005, 2010, and 2014. (Here)
3. 97%
of all scientists agree Climate Change is happening (I would listen to the
nerds at NASA)
4. Satellite
data does support the evidence that the earth is warming
There may
still be some debate as to whether or not climate change is related to human
activities or naturally occurring, but the science clearly indicates that it’s
getting hotter. Every year.
The last
part is the one that, after some digging, was actually an awesome golden nugget
to discover. Let it be known that I love politics. The simple reason being
politicians and strategists are able to twist and contort their words in a way
that makes what their saying appear to be better than what it actually is. Yet,
every word is calculated, every action is carefully planned out. It’s basically
a huge game of chess but people actually are passionate about it and pay
attention.
The reason
why the phrase “Global Warming”, was morphed into “Climate Change”, was because
of the Republican Strategist Frank Luntz. Luntz wrote a Republican playbook in
which he gives suggestions on how to approach specific topics (you can find a
part of this strategy HERE). It’s
basically a book on how Republicans can approach topics about the environment;
including arsenic in the water, air quality, protecting green spaces, and how
to frame the global warming debate. It truly is an amazing strategy, and if you
have time give it a quick read because it is politics at its finest. To help my
friend Senator Cruz, the reason why we now talk about “Climate Change” and not
“Global Warming” is because a Republican Strategist was able to frame the
argument in a way that made the warming of the earth less bad. We as a society
went from eating “Pig entrails and anuses” to eating “Hot Dogs”. See, sounds
better and less icky.
I am
looking forward to how the Republican side of the ballot is going to pan out
over the next year. New candidates will appear (Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Chris
Christie, Jeb Bush, Rick Perry), and the debates and rallies will be a
spectacle to watch. But I am very much looking forward to how Senator Rafael
Cruz will rally his conservative evangelical base throughout his campaign. I
got my popcorn ready, Fox News is bookmarked on my computer, and my mind is
open to new ideas that will help restore America to its former glory that it
still hasn’t lost but, apparently, we need to find again. It’s a great time to
be an U.S. citizen.
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